Bake and Shake

Made with the shavings of that silent Island Killer: Macaroons

"Are you enjoying those? Here's a secret - that isn't coconut!"

I've tried to make Macaroons many times in my life. I've tried to make Macaroons as though they were heir to my kingdom. The last hope for a dying bloodline.

Some recipes require whole eggs, others (like the chosen one below) only whites. Some have you beat the sugar into the eggs to form a meringue before adding the coconut, others have you mix everything together at once, like a middle school dance and SURGE. They might call for dessicated coconut, finely shredded, flaked, torn with the claws of endangered species housed in a sanctuary in a high-humidity climate. Sweetened condensed milk, or maybe original-formula Cetaphil facial wash. Flour, potato flour, sand.

Every attempt ended with the same carnage - a puddle of crispy, sugar-pocked meringue goo and sad islands of coconut. What is this, I would think, scraping the mess off the sheet pan. Who just decided that this was a viable cookie recipe? Sometimes I'd eat one anyway. But most of the time, I would just let my blood pressure rise and stress-eat some carbohydrates.

NO MORE. NO LONGER, MY SON.

Totally Boss Gifts: SEE's White Chocolate Cashew Brittle

 

This is my Arsenic-based lifeform. Awe, delight, fear. Every bite humbles you. This confection will turn you feral. Don't give me guff about how white chocolate isn't chocolate. You're right. White chocolate is a narcotic.

Order five pounds for under a hundred dollars. Order one pound for under twenty. Walk into a SEE's Candy Store near you and try a piece, for free. Walk into twenty SEE's Candy Stores, and assemble a box, in your pockets.

They let you do that, without law enforcement intervention.

Totally Boss Gifts: NARS 'Exhibit A' Blush

Everyone talks about Orgasm, or Deep Throat, but my current favorite NARS offering is this blush, which is one of those things that prompts a lot of talk, a lot of skepticism, a lot of Trust Exercises and then eventual, reverent love and respect from everyone who is lucky enough to try it.

Don't be put off by the condensed Campbells Tomato Soup orange-tinted red of the photo above. Or do, but try it out anyway. Because it will really do something for you!

A few weeks back, every other word I heard was "Let me at that blush," or "Can I borrow your blush?". Various ladies, various skin tones, various facial shapes - everything that matters when you're picking or applying blush was rendered mute. This, to me, is the ultimate SLAPPED AND IN LOVE cheek rouge. You barely swipe the surface with your biggest, loosest brush and you barely sweep the apples of your cheeks. It looks amazing with no lip color, or your scariest crimson. It makes you look healthy and refreshed, lively, like you just returned from weeks away in a dry climate, regaining your robustness. Don't wear wild, contoured eye makeup with it though. Or do. Who am I to tell you no! You do it, son.

Totally Boss Gifts: Michelle Armas 'Antonia' Calendar

Hello and Happy Holidays, friends.

I am in the midst of letting go, opening up and playing chicken with cold weather and appropriate outerwear. What have you been up to? Kissed Jake Ryan yet?

Instead of trying to get weird and hyper-committed, I am going to back off of ETSY, because the police have been called, and instead share with you things that I've come across and loved. First up, this signed Michelle Armas 'Antonia' calendar, which has transfixed me since I first saw it on SimpleLovely. My favorite colors, in one massive beautiful swirl. I feel like it represents my spirit. I feel like it represents what would be used to deny me bail. I feel like I want one, and I feel like you need one.

So there we go. The first Totally Boss Gift of 2010.

Wrap you up in my love. All over, All over.

Merry Merry Christmas, and a Happy, Prosperous New Years.
Thank you for this past year - every e-mail, comment, link, whatever. Thank you for populating the web with your wit, intellect and insight. Thank you for inspiration and kindness. You're all wonderful, and I hope you're reminded of it on a daily basis, this holiday season.

Get out of the car: Time to win some Cashmere, pink or otherwise

DONE! Thanks to all forty-five of you who entered, I was totally surprised by the numbers. And I love reading your comments, the stories and moments and seeing which were mentioned several times, and who threw out a few curveballs. Lovely. Also, there was a hilarious (to me), moment where two ladies named Emily both mentioned the same holiday movie moment - I checked e-mail addresses, because I was like 'No WAY,' but really, it happened. And I love it. Thank you again for participating in the first-ever giveaway, and I hope it won't be the last one.

So, a few weeks ago I posed a question to anyone who cared to answer it - Would you be interested in entering a giveaway, the first I've ever done, if the prize was a Cashmere sweater. The comments I received seemed down, so if you're not down, talk to those six or seven fools who ruined it for you. Put on your rowdy pants.

I have one of these sweaters, black and V-necked, and it is gorgeous. I once wrote about wanting a magazine that would do touch-tests on affordable cashmere, letting a panel of five year olds decide which was softest and nicest. I don't have five year olds at my disposal, currently, maybe that will change in the new year, but I do have my own tiny, picky hands and this is soft. This is soft, and beautiful, with a rich, true color (dark, heavy black) and it fits nicely, it doesn't just box out - it is tasteful, I think, but I wasn't expecting it to feel as modern as it does, and I wasn't expecting the silhouette to fit in as nicely with my wardrobe and 'look' as it did. Lands' End even included a tiny packet of spare cashmere thread, in case any holes (store with cedar!) need stitching. But the shape, is lovely and I can wear it on dates and on dates. With my Grandpa. My sweater makes me feel like Joan.

And, it is a nice, personal luxury, which I think most of us are unable to give ourselves right now. This is guilt-free, fools. You are going to pay nothing for this. And if you like, you could even give it as a present. I'm down with that. If you've got someone who would love this, and you're that into it, send their size instead of your own. I fully support that. Now, let's get you into this sweater.

I have...

EXACTLY enough vanilla extract to flavor the whipped cream for tomorrow, and that is it. Somehow I did it, and I'm not even going to ask how, but I am so happy I do not have to go to the store.

I need to go soak my feet and go to bed.

And now, I leave you. Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh man. Tomorrow, you'll be fist-first up a turkey and smiling big the whole time, right? I will be.

Something that has saved my sanity on various holidays is The Quick Bread. It can be eaten as a snack, a meal, whatever. Slather it with something - cream cheese, cream cheese frosting, butter, jam, turkey fat. Do with it what you will, but offer it to those who slide into your kitchen between 9 and 2 tomorrow, before there's anything out that they can pillage. This will save you from their expectations of a quick sandwich, a quick bite, a quick fistfight in the garage, culminating in a dramatic procession to the backyard, where you pour the cooler of leftover turkey brining solution into the hot tub. Top that next year.

I have to go wrangle some pie dough, and cut up another finger, but before I do I wanted to leave you with this recipe. It resulted in the three beauties above - I followed the recipe exactly as posted, but added in a bag of cranberries that I washed, sorted over (for stems and rot) and tossed in an additional tablespoon of flour, which keeps them suspended in the dense batter.

And I also wanted to wish you the best, most thankful day you can possibly imagine. I have had so much to be thankful for this year, and most of it happened just after Thanksgiving last year. Things that changed my life, things that fixed me, things that showed me how to fix myself. I am beyond thankful, and without sounding ridiculous, I am thankful for you. A little bit. Punches = Kisses. Much love, and go trip out on tryptophan.

Cranberries and 14th place: I finally get on board the Holiday Recipe Express

Here's the first of two Thanksgiving recipes. I figure that I'll post the rest the day after, when the sight of a turkey or pie makes you want to hit poultry. Or on Valentines Day.

One of the saddest things about Thanksgiving is the wealth of cranberry sauce, preserves, conserve or relish that you're left with. No matter how little you make, just enough to satisfy the traditionalists, it seems to expand and bloom and you've got twice as much at the end of the meal, compared to what you began with.

I love Cranberries. I think they provide a wealth of color, a shot of acid into a meal that is usually as brown and sodden as the leaves outside. And Cranberry Conserve is so simple to make, so simple that I have to talk myself down from doubling the recipe just because. My usual recipe is here, but this year I wanted to branch out a little. Add the gizzards from the turkey. For a brighter, fresher flavor.

Really, all I did was omit the cinnamon, apple and use a little less citrus, a little more sugar. And then a vanilla bean shows up, invites herself inside and plunks down in the hot tub. Hey guys. I don't believe in swimsuits.

If you haven't committed yourself to a specific recipe, give this one a try. The vanilla is beautiful, and the Satsuma rind and juice is sweet and tart and just different enough from regular navel oranges to perfume the sauce in a whole new way.

Cranberry Conserve with Vanilla, Lemon and Satsuma
1 bag (12 ounces) cranberries, washed and picked over
1 cup vanilla sugar
1 Satsuma or small tangerine
1 small lemon
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup water
1/2 large vanilla bean, split

In a medium saucepan, dump the cranberries, sugar and water. Peel a large swath of rind from both the Satsuma and lemon, and add those, with the vanilla bean. Dash in the salt, and then juice both the lemon and Satsuma. Add the juices to the pot, and bring to a ploppy, slow boil over medium-high heat, cooking just until liquid thickens, turns bright red and a few berries begin to split and pop. Remove from heat and pour into your chosen serving dish, then press a piece of plastic wrap on top. Cool to room temp, then chill/store in the fridge until ready to serve, at least four hours.

So, some things.

What are you making, or not making, for Thanksgiving?

I thought I was pretty set, but now Deb's taunting me with walnut tartlets. The obvious answer is, no turkey, just desserts.

There is always a point where I feel like we don't have enough of something - sides, appetizers, desserts. That last one is what is keeping me up right now. We are feeding over twenty people on Thursday. Our robot brethren. There is a 24 pound turkey thawing in the fridge. We bought five dozen eggs today. And there is a smaller, 13 pound turkey in a cooler on the back porch - to be brined and smoked. Seven pounds of butter await, along with four bricks of cream cheese. And a Jarvik Artificial Heart.

So, what are you making, for the day itself and the days before and after - last year we made Chili and cornbread for Thanksgiving Eve, but this year I think, and I pray, that we have Chinese. Or garbage. "Your stomach composts!"

Also, this is something I've been sitting on for a bit, but would you be interested in a drawing/giveaway for a 100% Cashmere long-sleeved "T-shirt" sweater and/or suitcase from a pretty decent retailer? I've never done one on my site, and I don't even know if you'd be interested in that sort of thing. You know? So let me know, in the comments, please, and we'll work this out. Free stuff this year is even better than free stuff last year, I think.