Bake and Shake

ETSY Gift Guide '08: Michelle Chang Jewelry

I ordered one of these necklaces for my youngest sister the other day, and have since been going back to look at the picture, over and over again, on a daily basis. Michelle Chang Jewelry, way to go. Way to go. I hope you don't stop making them, because I plan on ordering one for my other sister, and myself. If I had a million dollars, or maybe just a thousand, I'd order one for each of you, too.

I'm going to post about a few specific shops/designers that I can't get enough of - when I was putting together the other guides, I realized that I couldn't choose just one single thing to include. So this is my solution. I hope you enjoy it, and as always, if you have a shop or any 'til death favorites, let me know.

ETSY Gift Guide '08: House, Home, Crawlspace - What to buy for dwellings

There are people among us who want you to buy something for a room in their life. A specific room - "I don't really want anything, but you could get something for the kitchen." The kitchen, which has not done a thing for you in your lifetime. Is now on your list. But instead of thinking too hard about it, and succumbing to the clearance sections at Anthro or Restoration Hardware, pick out a few of these beauties - they range in price from ridiculously cheap, to "I love your kitchen a lot. I hope your kitchen is down with hooking me up with its pancreas, when the time comes. I will be making that call. In the dead of night."

Your best friend's Kitchen


I would like to give one of those ceramic glove molds to Paula Deen, to hold her rings while she fondles ground meat. "Y'all, raw pork is as sensual as a lover." The orange tree? Right, exactly - buy it now, or a month ago, and get it all potted up before it is time to unwrap. The scale is cuter than anything in Anthropologie, the ceramic house numbers could be used in or out, and the stout little jugs just make me happy.
  
Your sister's Boudoir


Don't lie. You might try one of those little vintage soaps. The one you don't think is as pretty as the others. Whatever. I guess I'm just the gross one then. But besides those, which you would only use as decoration, there are so many other things worth buying for the bathroom, bedroom, dressing room and beyond. I like those little terrariums, and the bathing beauties print. And some soap you can actually use on your body, right now, or save it for forty years. Let it mellow.

Your ridiculous entrepreneur of a cousin's Office


She can spin money from straw, and she's set up shop - so give her some guff, and some lovely things - the 'Live what you love' print is so nice, and affordable, order one for yourself. The Orla-ish pillow will work for the late-night catnaps, glue that will smell delicious when she turns to huffing office supplies to get through it all, and a little business card holder, for the cards that hold her business. In return, ask for nothing, except a blood oath assuring you that you will be called upon to be the Gayle to her Oprah when she usurps Winfrey in 2015. 

Your brother's Dorm, "The Dream Factory"


The Hygiene cards aren't meant to be sent as a single pack, but space them out over the next five months - Like a meat of the month club. A raccoon in Business dress might just be the reminder that he needs to step off the side business and concentrate on studies, because someone in a tie is always watching. And the inventory tags? Completely practical. The plate is a joke, Mom. The plate is a JOKE.

ETSY Gift Guide '08: Small/Medium/Large - what to buy for brothers, cousins and others

Dudes, Fellas, Pals. Bros, literal or otherwise. They make your life interesting, and so here's what I'd buy if I had any brothers, younger or older, but plan to draw on for my cousins and friends. We've got t-shirts, cufflinks, a lovely slow dance between two bears under glass, stuffed creatures, wooden toys, cameras and soap. "Don't make me wash your mouth out with brains."

Enjoy, and I hope they enjoy it too, so much that the only feasible way of expressing their joy is with a punch to the shoulder, or a mild fracture.

Little


Unless someone gives him a REAL tractor, like the kind you need special certification to drive, or an actual suit made of elephant skin, you're probably golden.

Not so little


A dragon farting fire. Tell me you're not vying for 'Favorite' this year. Not even a little bit. Those masks are creepy, the hat dashing and don't be surprised if every car in the driveway is covered with small woodland creature decals by the end of the evening.

Not even a little bit little

 
In this batch, the '100 custom one-inch buttons' is my favorite choice. Your brother, nephew, cousin is sure to come up with something worth passing around, like 'Dale Meat is the Best Meat', which he can wear with his "I'm with the Invisible Woman" shirt. And the goggles.

Grown

"Who's the old man, in the picture hanging up in your dorm room?"

"Him? Cousin Earl Boffus. We're not supposed to talk about him. My mom wanted to burn that portrait, but then she woke up and there was a family of rats surrounding the picture, hissing. So we didn't. I took it to school, instead." Give him the gift of storytelling, this year. You're like a little Creative Writing professor, you know that? You know that? And instead of hunting eBay for a working Land Camera, hit up Etsy and find one in nearly mint condition, for the price of a movie after six, and a Quarter Pounder with Cheese value meal. Stick in a pack of film, and a certificate promising to send him a new one once a month for a year. Or just go for silver, and order a customized sterling silver guitar pick for him. Sweet. Tell him not to pawn it, ever.

ETSY Gift Guide '08: Littles, Middles and Beyond - What to buy for sisters, cousins & others

What to buy for those girls in your life? They could be sisters, cousins, nieces, family friends, the family of children living under your porch. For that last one, I would suggest inviting them in for showers and food they don't have to forage for. They leave you a gift of your own, and here's hoping for a necklace of possum bones. So delicate, and truly handcrafted. But for the others, here are some of my favorites, divided into categories appropriate for different ages. Guess, though. Because I think a 15 year old could not be happier if you decided to get her that wooden pulley rabbit, or a tea kettle that was previously owned. "And probably used to boil URINE! GOD."

Toddlers love flasks, by the way.

Weensy

All of this enchants me, and makes me want to have a child as soon as possible, if only to encase her feet in handmade felt slippers, her little hands in hand-knit mittens, and watch her play with handmade toys. All those 'hand's! But I've also included two pieces of art, one a photograph, which I think will delight the parents of the gifted one just as much as her. One day, at least.

Little

She will like every single thing you could ever gift her. Between the ages of 3 and 10, any and every present will be met with squeals of delighted adulation. So work, for those squeals, and give her stuff worth piercing eardrums. I myself am partial to the print of the pouting princess, the hand-painted lace-ups, the little blooming cap and the coin purse. For her 'on the town' money. Don't think about her bank account, which is larger than yours.

Middle

Here is what I've learned, buying gifts for teenagers. Buy them not what you think they will like at their current, given age, but what you would like, for yourself, now. You will never fail. If the gift is five to ten years beyond what they are wearing, liking, allowed to wear or like, or would even think of? Then you're golden. Hence the 18k unicorn ring that would be considered a weapon by her school district, the bag from Amsterdam, the overpriced but worth-it zip up they will probably stain with pizza grease next week, and mildly obscene cards, for long-awaited Thank You notes. All in the name of etiquette. All in the name of etiquette.

Old Biddy

I consider this to be my category, so picking things out was as simple as what I'm looking to receive from my younger sisters. I'm very interested, for instance, in specialty soaps to slough my aging body with. Simple color + ink drawings, in calendar form no less? Down, forever. The same style, but on CUPS now? Great. An Irish teapot? Thank you. If you really wanted to, you could fill it with some candy? And I would be even happier. But tell me, before I go to fill it with water. And the Keep Calm poster? I know it is now uncool to have one, but I love my red one from Barter Books that I bought almost two years ago, and Victoria has some beautiful color schemes in her shop, including this smoggy grey. Yes, with an 'e'.

(Bonus Category) Sisters. Sisters.

They might be your own, they might belong to those you love or you may live next door. We all know a set, younger and older but only a year or two apart, who are often given duplicate items (which are lovely, but you are wild, like an untamed pony who lives on that island with the other ponies, I forget the name). This year, why not tread close, but forge your own path? A similar theme, rather than duplicates, is just as appreciated. So. give each girl a piece of art, a small grouping of button-related items, and then throw in what I find to be the best artistic depiction ever of old/young sister dynamics, in pillow-doll form. Also, if they make it through childhood, and aren't donated (or just thrown away) during the teen years, they'll be great on a bed or couch in some studio apartment, that (and whisper this in Oldest's ear) she won't have to share with her.

ETSY Gift Guide '08: Stockings for all - Stuff it. Stuff it REAL GOOD.

Stockings and Stuffers: Santa, or mom, or your neighbor, or if your name is Laura then Mr. Edwards, with his pants-turban smuggling root vegetables and tin cups across the creek, fills stockings and sometimes wooden shoes the world round. Maybe you're in charge of that this year. If so, here are my suggestions for what to put inside, and some of the greatest stockings I've come across on ETSY yet. Get ready to plunge in.

Also, I plan to roll one of these out every few days, hopefully, for the first two weeks of November -- Early, but so many vendors are swamped with holiday orders that they have deadlines (in November), plus (I think, at least) this stuff is too cute to go unsold for long. If any item is sold when you click-through, check through the shop. So many vendors list or are willing to re-list duplicates, similar items or even take custom orders. And I have some stuff in mind for other Holidays, beyond the Fat Man one, so sit tight.

Lady
 

Paper. Soap. Mini blank books. Cardamom marshmallows. Buttons. Personalized calling cards. A ring that takes up half my hand. What more, honey? What more could I want, in my stocking? I'll tell you: Human limbs. Maybe a churro.

Sir

 

There are times, I feel like, where you can tell how much someone loves you by what they think you might like for more than twenty-four hours. I'm pretty sure that he'll like that brass Cadaver tag until he is one. The dulce-de-leche espresso brownies, mathlete coasters, subway token cufflinks and a wallet that encourages him to avoid the bad habits of Don Draper? He'll like those too. 

T(w)een

Remember how it felt to be SO OVER holidays? I was twelve the year I was BEYOND Christmas, and I remember feeling so pained. Give her stuff she'll really have to work hard to disdain, like a swingin' necklace, some Vegan liptint, bath bombs that smell like ennui, a nameplate necklace (if she hasn't shunned her given name), and some clips, which you may suggest as a way to keep her various papers tidy, but she'll probably wear in her hair, just to show you. Just to make her follicles suffer as much as she does, under your horrible, smothering FALSE LOVE.

Little B

Every year there is one category, one recipient that I feel wins. This year, Little B takes it all. Buttons with ants and spiders on them. A stuffed jackalope. A robot paper doll. A peaked hat. A wallet with a TOWN on it, that features a Gas and Snack station. Right. I'm twenty-six years old, female, and I hope all of this is in my stocking.

Little G

Sweet and dark, and a little punchy. Adjectives that describe the girl who will be lucky enough to receive a killer knit hat, with both flowers and earflaps? I think so. A whale of a necklace, a killer notepad, saucy kitten mary-janes, paper that is ripe for airplanes, secret notes, on and on and on. A little red riding hood that holds as many secrets as she does, and a tiny skunk, because what little girl doesn't love a tiny anything?

ETSY Gift Guide '08: Hitch up those big-boy pants, hooligans

 

To me, nothing spreads Holiday Love like personalized facial tattoos, given covertly, lovingly, under the cover of night, with a Sharpie. You always wanted a horse? Now you have one, on your right cheek. Merry Christmas Dad, here's a new Porsche, vroom-vroom'ing across your forehead.

Maybe nobody needs to ask me how I gained entry to your respective homes. Maybe everybody needs to concentrate on breakfast.

If you're not so good with fine motor skills, breaking and entering and trying to draw a side-profile of Zac Efron on your little sister's BFF's arm, I have some other ideas. Welcome to the 2nd Annual ETSY Holiday Gift Guide. Last year we did this, and I was delighted with the response, both from buyers and a few sellers.

My motivation behind this is simple -- I want to show you the things I wish I had the money to buy, or people to buy them for. These are all culled, and some are similar, there might be overlapping, some categories may showcase different objects or wares by the same shop. I don't claim any ownership of the photographs or ideas, products, etc, I just show them off and if you buy them, enjoy them, or gift them, I think that is just wonderful. So enjoy. I know we're just getting over Halloween, as I type this it hasn't even happened yet, but November is not as long as I often wish it could be. And there is so much good stuff, it hardly seems fair to cram it all into a week or two of posts. Let's make this leisurely. Let's take this slow. Let's be good to one another. Like Luther Vandross would want us to be.