« January 2008 | Main | March 2008 »
"We hid Grandpa's pills in the middle. Only we took his pills out of the bottle, and replaced them with Tina's baby teeth."
Kind of like a Midwestern Croquembouche, everyone has a Monkey Bread recipe, or one for a Pull-Apart Ring, or Cinnamon Puffs or Lumps of Back Fat, whatever else people call it. Three or four years ago, my mom waved a recipe for one in my face, telling me about frozen bread rolls, butterscotch pudding mix, butter, and a bundt pan. If you added a cellar, trap door and inbred pit bulls, this recipe would be a murder documentary on A&E. If you added Morgan Freeman, this recipe would make $122 million domestically.
We made it, for a Christmas Morning Baby Jesus Brunch, and not only did it underwhelm it was kind of hideous. It was one of those instances where the result was so bad that I erased it from my mind, except for the bit that stuck around in my "Let's revamp!" files. My brain has files. And a secretary. Or a pencil box that smells like rotten sandwiches, forgotten in the bottom of a Jansport backpack. My brain is a rotten sandwich in the bottom of a Jansport, maybe left at Outdoor School and then shipped back, four months later, stained and heaving with the scent of a forlorn Lunchable. Crackers and mustard. Compartments. St. Andes Mint cannot save you now.
Anyway. When I think of a recipe I want to try, I search for pictures of the dish on Flickr. Sometimes this leads me to unwanted, unwittingly tagged photos of people that have nothing to do with the lone relevant picture I'll find in their feed, but most of the time I have a whole barnyard of photos, often with recipes or tips or little bits of information. And better yet, I have solid ideas of what something is supposed to look like, what I want/don't want it to look like and what it should never look like.
For monkey bread, I knew I wanted a syrupy, compact version with a lot of caramel and maybe some pecans to add visual interest. I didn't want something dry or crusty, overblown or burned -- every piece with available surface area should be drenched in goo.
So then the Google search started. Most recipes were similar to the one flung around by my mom, others called for more than two ingredients and no pudding, but packaged dough or biscuits, and a few included a recipe for yeast dough. I came across one from Cook's Country, and after a few minor tweaks, I had a recipe I was pretty excited about -- the revisions aren't massive, America's Test Kitchen/CC did the major work. I just threw in a few loops, then decided to be dumb about it and see how the almost-final product would fare after a night in the fridge.
I used to hate making things ahead, demanding that their flavor and texture suffered or that it wouldn't really save time. But though a few things are strictly day-of, many of my favorite recipes are just fine made in advance, or at least prepped. The issue with things like monkey bread, that I've faced, is the sugar, which goops and melts too far in advance, and the dough, which can dry out or develop a skin, and runs the risk of never fully rising to it's fully glory, even after being left out at to rise to room temperature before baking.
But this works, completely, and after a night in the fridge, an hour on the counter the next morning and a few extra minutes in the oven, a blissful, sticky dome of yeasty rolls cloaked in caramelized sugar and butter, with toasted pecans adding crunch, thumped and slurped out of its Pyrex dish (my preferred, Bundt-less pan of choice for the even browning it promotes) and was devoured by many fingers. Though the original recipe calls for a thin powdered-sugar based drizzle, I omitted it. There's no need, not when Morgan Freeman and the pit bulls are coming.
Make-Ahead Monkey Bread
Barely adapted from Cook's Country
3 1/4 cups AP flour
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 cup warm milk
1/4 cup sugar
1/3 cup warm water (Cooks says to heat both the water and milk to 'about 110 degrees'. If you're comfortable with the brand of yeast you're using, your judgment should suffice. Otherwise, head their advice -- it is worth it to take the temperature until you're fully comfortable judging it on your own. Mr. Cowell)
2 tablespoons butter, melted and cooled
1 packet plus 1/2 teaspoon Active Dry Yeast
3/4 cup muscavado (or light brown) sugar
1 cup granulated white sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) melted butter
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 cup pecans, left whole
Softened butter
Preheat your oven to 200 degrees F, then turn the oven off and keep the door closed.
Choose your weapon -- a bund pan will provide more surface area, but I don't have one and fared just fine with a Pyrex baking dish. You want something with moderately high sides and a solid bottom -- a tube pan will not work, even the best leak. Whatever you go with, grease it generously with a nice schmear of soft butter.
In a glass measuring cup (Pyrex, 2-cup should suffice) or bowl, whisk together the warm milk, water and sugar until dissolved. Add the butter and then the yeast, stirring and place in a warm place (I have a hanging lamp in my kitchen, and always park my yeasties under there, so they can bloom and foam happily) for three or so minutes, until yeast has bloomed. The original recipe, as linked above, called for instant yeast, which I didn't have on hand. With regular "Active" yeast, you need to let it foam a little and activate. Like a Jazzercise instructor, mainlining RedBull in the parking lot, listening to Avril Lavigne as loud as she can handle it and making the twin doors on her minivan slam open and shut simultaneously as she jitters in her leg warmers. "I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOU SAY HER NAME EVER AGAIN ever again EVER AGAIN."
Sift together the salt and flour, before making a well (an inverted volcano, basically) in the center of the bowl. Pour the yeast/milk/butter/sugar mixture into the depression, and stir, using a wooden spoon, until a shaggy, clingy dough begins to form. Turn out onto a well-floured board and knead for a good 7-10 minutes, until elastic, smooth and hefty.
Dump into the buttered dish of choice, cover with plastic wrap, and place in the warm-but-off oven for one hour.
Once risen, remove dough from the oven and dump out onto a well-floured surface. Gently shape and pat the dough into a free-form square, and using a knife or bench scraper, or floppy disk, or your license, cut the square into quarters. Then cut each quarter into at least ten smaller pieces, in a grid-like fashion (depending on how big you want your finished blobs of monkey bread to be -- CC says you can get sixteen out of each quarter, my average was around that). Roll each piece of dough gently, until rounded, but don't compress or squish too much air out of them.
With your fingers, pinch and grind together the two sugars and cinnamon until uniform in color and clump-free. Roll each dough blob in the melted butter and then in the sugar mixture. Drop into the greased pan, and continue, filling in any gaps and varying the size of the balls, dropping pecans in at random intervals. If you have any leftover butter (I didn't), pour over the top, and scatter any remaining sugar (especially the inevitable buttery clumps) over the whole thing. If you plan to serve today, cover with plastic wrap and let rise for 50 more minutes in a warm, calm place and then remove plastic and bake in a preheated 350 degree F oven for 30-35 minutes, until top is golden brown. Remove from oven, cool for 5 minutes (or until caramel stops bubbling), then turn out onto a large platter or plate. Cool for 10 more minutes, then serve warm.
If you plan to bake this tomorrow, after assembling cover tightly with plastic wrap and place in the fridge overnight. Remove from fridge at least one hour before you plan to bake it, allowing the dough to come to room temperature. Then place in an oven (that isn't on), underneath the pilot light or on top of the fridge and allow to rise for 30-45 minutes, until dough has puffed slightly and springs back lightly when poked. Remove plastic wrap, and bake in a preheated 350 degree F oven for 35-40 minutes, until a deep, crackly golden brown on top. Remove from oven, cool for 5 minutes, turn out onto a large plate and cool for 10 more minutes, before serving warm.
Edit: Thanks CRAFT (and Jenny!)!
"All I know is, one minute she was in the car, and the next she was calling us from a Jiffy Lube two zipcodes over."
So this weekend I watched "Fame", slept, relaxed, made these muffins and stayed out until 4 am last night, with friends and cheap pink champagne.
There is no excuse for what happened between 9 pm and 4 am, just that it involved chauffeurs, 'Stumptown Hot Spots', making a birthday cake out of Plaid Pantry snack cakes, Jack in the Box cheeseburgers, smelling like a Tobacco plant and having a staggering moment of sobriety, where I faked a sip of a drink a guy who'd introduced himself three times in thirty minutes bought me. 'Lifetime' was a harsh and efficient tutor. I know that sounds all "HORSE TRANQS ARE IN THE TAP WATER AT CO-ED SCHOOLS." But when a man you don't know just shows up and hands you a glass of suspect liquor, you're not sure what to do. Do you hand it back? Do you set it down and cold-eye him? Or do you do what I did, which is manage a weak "Thanks!" and then thumbs-up it, before setting it down and leaning into one of your guy friends. Guess.
Also. Leaving the worst kind of group voice-mails for people who couldn't be there, ever, and then the next morning being told "Yeah, I got your message. Your voice was so loud," and then thinking about how you were sitting four people away from the person holding the phone.
I am an old woman, because I have not committed that hard in a long time, and even after my before-bed ritual (one liter of water, two aspirin and a clean, washed face, then more water and moisturizer first thing after you wake up. Your welcome. Love Grandma. Why don't you ever wear that sweater I sent you?) I woke up not feeling the wear, but actually wearing it. My face looked like Naugahyde. Like the seats in that car your dad parked by the side of the garage, and left, for ten years, and then 'gave' it to you when you turned seventeen, saying that if you and your friends got the rats out, you could drive it. Hard livin'.
Anyway. Here is something so much prettier than my face, this morning. Raspberry muffins, which are on their third day and still delicious, moist and viable. Supple, even. They and their loud voices didn't make a fool out of themselves. Buttery, with a sweet, slightly-cinnamon tinged crumb topping, the muffins are just sweet enough and the pockets of sour, juicy blackberries make things so nice. While they're fine at room temperature, I suggest warming yours just enough to soften everything, really turning the double-dose of vanilla up. Then they're even better.
Blackberry Crumb Muffins
Adapted from Ina Garten
1 1/2 sticks softened butter (equal to 12 tablespoons)
1 1/2 cups granulated white sugar
3 large eggs, at room temperature
2 1/2 teaspoons (really) pure vanilla extract
1 cup plain Greek Yogurt
1/4 cup milk
2 1/2 cups AP flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
2 1/2 heaping cups of frozen or fresh blackberries, washed and stemmed
Crumb Topping
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line two muffin tins with paper cups, and brush the top, flat part of the pans with oil if you like, or cooking spray. Set aside.
In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until creamy, fluffy and pale yellow using an electric or stand mixer. Add the vanilla extract and eggs, one at a time, beating until blended and silky. Add the Greek yogurt and milk, mixing until fluid. Add the flour, baking powder and soda, and salt. Mix just until combined, using a spatula to finish the mixing, making sure to scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl. Add the blackberries, and fold in gently with the spatula.
Using an ice cream scoop, or 1/4 cup measure, place large scoops of batter in each liner. Scatter the tops with the crumb mixture, and bake for 25-35 minutes (checking after 25), or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean and the tops are a smooth golden brown. Cool in the pan for one minute, then remove and serve warm, or cool completely on a wire rack.
Crumb Topping
1/2 stick slightly softened butter
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup AP flour
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Using a fork, mash together all ingredients until soft, dry crumbles form. Vary the sizes (some large clumps, some finer crumbs), and use your fingers if you need to.
*And welcome to anyone visiting from Oh Joy! (Thank you Joy, for the link!) I hope you are not disappointed -- she is much classier than I am.
With my Holiday gift-guides, all Etsy-based, I focused on a lot of different things, for a lot of different people. Valentine's Day deserves a little low-key love, a little undercover appreciation. I don't call it out from across the street. I just suck my breath in real fast when it passes by. So here is what to buy for your lady, and soon we'll have what to buy for your dude. And yourself, as always, because hello. The revolution is here. Self Love for all. eBay joins the party this time, and I am happy to have it. I hope, if you're buying for a lady love, this gives you inspiration and if you are that lady love, I hope you print this entry out and tape it to your lover's sweet face as they sleep, and breathe their last breaths, tainted by the fumes of printer ink and as you watch them struggle, wake up and tear the sheet of paper off their face, just whisper "I was tired of the dancing stuffed animals" and turn the light off again.
1. Martin Boyd Ramekins
I am forever searching for these on eBay, only to find that I've been outbid. With the retro Sherbert (or Sherbet, if you're going to be like that) contrasting interiors and exteriors, smooth finish and witty little handle, they just make me feel like making everything I've ever wanted to eat, in them. Like creme brulee. Or meatloaf. Dry cat food, with soy milk.
Where to find: Check eBay for sets or individual pieces.
2. La la Laurie Flower and Butterfly corsage
This charms me. It just charms me. You could buy it and tie it to a package, as suggested in the listing, or you could just pin it near the nape of her neck. No other girl will have one, it will last much longer than store-bought tulips and it will become a story. Everything is better when it has a story. Maybe you can make sure this story involves a showdown outside of a Check Cashing place, and pocket knives.
Where to find: Etsy
3. sX-70 Polaroid Land Camera
I will tell you a secret right now, and that is that most of the girls I know, and the girl that I am, really, if we're going to be legit here, have the idea that somehow they'll get through life with a small stash of beautifully lit, perfectly styled and completely candid, "I had no idea you were photographing me" photos -- photos of them. Most of mine were taken when I was ten and younger. But I think, and this is only if you are in a not-creepy relationship and you're not already doing this and your last name isn't Dahmer, that a great Valentine's gift would be a beautiful, candid Polaroid of her sleeping, just before you wake her up and listen to the shouts and swearing that would greet such a decadent, classic and ridiculous gift. Make sure to include a few packs of s600 film and look up the easy and painless alteration instructions online -- Sx70 film was discontinued a few years back.
Where to find: eBay (and for examples of what it can do, check out Fieryeyed Photography)
4. A 'Corny' card
Because it's true. And you do. Maybe you could write "ALSO, BECAUSE YOU TASTE LIKE BUTTER" inside. Or "I HAVE TO SKEWER YOUR SIDES IN ORDER TO KEEP YOU UNDER CONTROL". Or "I WON'T BREAK UP WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE ALWAYS IN MY TEETH". All caps, like that, too. Screaming is romantic.
Where to find: Etsy
