Bake and Shake

12 edible reasons to hate yourself: Those 'effing potatoes

"This is why Grandpa won't come over to our house anymore. He doesn't feel the bathrooms are safe."

I feel like this recipe is one we've all eaten before. You've probably made a version of this before, because you're in the advanced class and I'm in that class where you get to go to lunch early, and nobody talks about it when you eat dirt on the playground. You have parties a lot, in that class, and buy only stickers at the book fair. Gumnut Cottage. I'm in Gumnut Cottage, and if you recognize that, I'd just like to say you're not a Bogan. Year 7's are so hot.

But if you haven't, let me blow things up. I hope you've tasted something like this before, where instead of sectioning things off they're piled on top of one another. If you've ever watched 'Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives', and I make a point to whenever I can, then you'll recognize this sort of thing, where food is transformed into piles, recognizable ingredients meld together to form something that might be the cause of a plotline on E.R. or Grey's Anatomy, the Diner Disaster - "Basically, six eggs, a tin of Fancy Feast, some corn nuts, velveeta and green chiles, Guy."

12 edible reasons to hate yourself: Burn all the pants

 

"Alan brought Hummus. Sarah brought some homebrew. Nick, nothing. And then she brought a plate full of boobs."

So, I want to try and do 12 specific, Holiday/Entertaining recipes for you. Some sweet, some savory, hopefully all done in time for you to actually make them for your holiday celebrations. To start with, cookies. This is an adaptation of my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe, with the sugar rations reversed, an extra yolk, some jam, and a glaze. Otherwise, they're the same beast, and I love them so.

I wish that I could say I had this vision in mind from the start. I didn't. I mistakenly believed I could make thumbprints from this dough, but it spread, leaving me a half-sheet pan of mammeries. So then came the glaze. And the result was a delicious, spirited cookie that I think would be a welcome respite, nestled among the ginger and chocolate and cloves and nuts that this season is about to let rain down on us, as we weep and rend our garments, clawing at the heavens and begging for mercy, as bells send their hollow, hateful peals through the streets and we collapse in the rivers of peppermint that threaten to sweep away the innocent.