Bake and Shake

Ho, really?

Sometimes, when people are away, they return with amazing announcements. A new job, an exciting new development, real estate purchases, something really incredible. Often times, the news involves a fetus.

Well, get ready.

Triplets

Hayden-Harnett Coin Purses/Clutches, $9.99, Anthropologie, marked down from $38.00, I know. I know.

Holy. Just Holy.

In all senses. Thanks Tracy. 

And the mayor slept with an 18 year old!

Hell of a morning. Hell of a morning. I cleared my schedule, gave up on being a legitimate member of society and woke up to history.

There is not much to say, beyond I am so overwhelmed with excitement and grave hope that I had to make a peppered gouda, ham and sweet-hot mustard grilled cheese sandwich and eat it, while watching Obama make the most bad-ass move and exit the Presidential Wag' ahead of schedule, just to stroll with the missus and swagger for a few yards on the parade route.

The day is electric, the day is mind blowing, the day is important and to hear news anchors I've listened to my whole life tear up on the air, choking down emotion while talking about Jackie Robinson, to watch the concern and fear and genuine care for Senator Kennedy, to watch those little girls beam and shiver while their dad was sworn in, it has been a momentous, magnificent morning. I'd like to thank that sandwich, Al Roker, Sasha's pink coat and skippy walk, The First Lady's incredible outfit, and Aretha Franklin's hat for making it what it was. What it is.

What it will be.

Resolution: Calling Cards

(click to enlarge)

They arrived this afternoon from OvernightPrints, and they're just fine. The pink is washed out, a little strange, but I attribute that to my monitor and color settings. It still looks really nice. And the web address JUST made it intact, before the rounded bottom corner. A 100 cards seems like a lot of cards, really, when you see them all together like that. But I am happy that I bit the bullet, designed and ordered them before January was half done. I plan to throw them down on the ground all around the metro area, like Vegas porn/stripper cards. "Don't pick it up, Jimmy. DONOTPICKITUP."

In other news, the first batch of seeds arrived today, too. OH SERIOUSLY.

(Those aren't my initials, and the phone number isn't real. I wish I did have MyDumbWebsite.com, though. I really do.)

Cashmere Winner!

Thank you, everybody, for entering. Now congratulations to the winner of her choice of styles, sizes, colors and necklines in Lands' End cashmere, Stef, whose comment slot (number seven, from the bottom up) was drawn by Random.org.

Congratulations Stef! A little refresher, Stef's favorite holiday food moment was as follows: "When I was little, we never ever fried anything ever and seldom *ate* things that were fried. But once a year, when Hanukkah rolled around, my mom would fire up the electric skillet and dump in an inch of oil, and fry fry fry enough latkes to last way more than eight nights...The house reeked of fried potatoes & onions for days afterwards, but as a kid I just assumed that's what the holidays smelled like."

Sweet.

(That's it for my first ever contest. Thanks to Katie, thanks to Lands' End, and I hope to do more of these in the future, even if the prize is a shoebox full of random things I find on a walk, downtown, at night, in northeast. Thank you again, and enjoy the cashmere, Stef!)

Hey, Coca-Cola, I would buy your product if this was your commercial

This makes me want a few things, post-haste.

1. Lights wrapped around my body
2. Pine
3. Red lipstick
4. Coca-Cola
5. Love

That whole site is beyond sweet, too.

A box of sporks: Contests and Giveaways, Your Body and You

So I am gearing up for the first giveaway/contest I've ever held, and I'll tell you more about that as soon as I can. If for some reason it falls through, it isn't because I've decided not to go through with it, it is because someone is playing a cruel joke on me and by extension, you. I suggest fire. Maybe urine. In the car.

I thought I'd take this time to talk a little bit about how I feel about ads, giveways, contests, etc. I don't think I've done so, really - I also don't think that you care about it, but if you do, and I know there are times where I wonder how a site gets what they give (not in a mean or skeptical way - I'm just honestly amazed), here is how I feel about it.

Free stuff, winning free stuff, is one of the biggest thrills in life. And the reason I said yes to this giveaway, and might continue to do so in the future, is because I enter those giveways on other sites myself. Are you giving away reuseable shopping bags? A Kitchen-aid stand mixer? Something you found in your glove compartment? Rotting food from your fridge? Here's my name, e-mail address and my opinions on or answer to whatever question you've posed. Hook me up with that t-shirt, and in exchange I'll tell you whether or not I prefer V, Scoop or Crew necks.

I've never had ads on this site, and I don't know why. Same with sponsors, though I think that is a great idea that really strengthens bonds between blogs and small businesses, which are often one and the same. I don't have them now. I might have them later. I might not. I don't have strong feelings, either way.

But. I will always, when given the chance, offer you the chance to win something. I think that is neat. I think it is fun. And I would like to add, that should you be a business owner, a public relations rep, if you have something you would like to give away, feel free to contact me and we can work on arranging a giveaway or contest. People who read this site are, nine times out of ten, smart, savvy, beautiful and handsome, kind to former child stars, and hip - the remaining portion also have wings. You want to hook them up.

And I am always up for giving away things. Because I am fat, male, with a white beard, and a martyr complex. "No, this is for you. I give and I give and I give. No, I can climb back up the chimney by myself. Don't, you know, don't extend yourself. Wow, cookies and milk. Even though you know about my issues with lactose. Even though soy beverages are available nationwide. No. No, I'll drink it! I'll drink it. I don't want to upset you."

Not cool. NOT COOL. And introducing my baby, Jestiny.

Goddamn, I love GOOP.

Everyone has the right to Photoshop collages of their favorite outfits, accessories, take Depth of Field-heavy photographs of their recipes, write earnestly about their current whims and passions, and I love that someone with best friends named Madonna and Stella McCartney, a husband who tours the globe and children named after Biblical figures and tree fruits is doing it too. It is a great equalizer, because it is kind of lame, kind of obsessive, and strange - "I'm just typing this out! I think people want to know how I recreated a McIsley from Pine State Biscuits!" and I think that she is genuinely excited about what she is sharing with us, and that is great. Let lameness cloak itself over all, paying no attention to economic standing.

Also, her recipe for turkey is based off the same one I use for my own. It is really good, and keeps things really, really moist. If you won't do it because she is a proponent, do it because you like good turkey.

Paltrow's Turkey: Basted with the plasma of corn-fed, free-range unicorns

Last night my oldest friends and I had dinner together, and the friend I carpooled with and I made ourselves sick by coming up with names for the Duggars. They've graced each one of their 17 children with a name that begins with the letter 'J'. If you think that has limited them, think again. 

I think it would be great if they went against the grain for the newest child her uterus is coddling, like "Jinger! Jedidiah! James! Joyanna! Carl."

But then we started altering every name we could think of. My favorites were Jiffany. Jachel. Jella. Jallulah. Jhoebe. Jeven. Jrandon. And Jyle. Jucas! Jarly. Jeter! Jamanda. And Jencer.

What I want to look like when I grow up

Photo from TheBlemish

Like everyone else, I believe she was pretty much perfection last night. You cannot, cannot go wrong with top-lid only liquid eyeliner and a dewy lip. Especially if you're motherfucking Joan Hollaway. GET IT TOGETHER ROG. GO GET OUR GIRL, AND GIVE HER A PAYING JOB IN THE TELEVISION DEPARTMENT.