With Special Guests! And maybe the police.

You know those situations where you start out with good intentions, ready to help, listen, commiserate and then by the end of it you're in jail, and the person or people who came to you are like "Cool, I'd bail you out...we just have to go make-out in front of a preschool music concert, and then scream obscenities at one another. Call your mom?"

Last night I realized I was on that train, and I got off with a quickness. Not because I am a master at sensing situations that are about to get crazy, real crazy, but because I've heard about this - this is the festival's second year. First hand knowledge of something you didn't see, not really, but heard about, looked on the drawn, pale, weathered faces of those who witnessed it the first time around, who were floating in the brew, just trying to get shit done but hampered by this tantrum that only refreshed those having it.

It won't be long before both sides have a few random teenagers cruising the streets, promising free t-shirts if you just show up for the main event, throwing out bumper stickers and Quiznos coupons. I don't doubt that one of them will ink a deal with an energy drink no one will have heard of, and that will be the only drink served at "SHUT THIS SHIT DOWN 2009".

Local Security will show, and patrol the perimeters in their yellow shirts and fanny packs. O-Town might reunite and open the show, or maybe they'll just hire people to mace us, so we'll start screaming in agony in advance. And then the centerpiece will be something foul and shrill, designed to draw in as many of us as it can, like Satan's Tentacles.

And then afterwards, the bodies lying on the ground, those not unconscious drawn up into the fetal position, neon wristbands glinting in the unforgiving sun, a few vomiting into the river, the two headliners will pick their way through the crowd and high-five you, as you stand in front of the Churro tent that had to abandon operation fifteen minutes into the whole thing, and say "Hey! What's up? Why do you look so freaked out? What? No, we're fine! We're fine! We're great! Why are you weeping blood?"

Because they'll have made up backstage, and won't know about the Ener-G QUIK mobile, which was set on fire and rolled into the river, flames streaming upwards, the driver pitching himself out the window he broke with his face, a life-vest fashioned of Ener-G QUIK bottles cushioning his fall, while they slow-danced to their song next to the catering tent.

Comments

[Leslie]

I, too, remember O-Town. Making The Band at its finest (yup I love watching good quality television!). But what's more striking is Meghan's comment about Newsies. Is it bad that I'm still a fan of that movie?

On second thought, maybe I should keep that to myself.

[Meghan]

Two thoughts:

1. I, too, responded especially viscerally to the O-Town reference. I was watching TRL with friends the afternoon they were on (with their catalogue, I'm guessing there was only one appearance), and this girl won a "biggest fan" contest by showing her O-Town tramp stamp tattoo, and these friends and I had known each other since third grade and had gone through some SERIOUS fixations during puberty together (for exhibit 1, may I present Newsies. Between that and the O-Town memory I think I've just dated myself) and even we were like "...............damn, girl."

2. How much do I love that the first three comments are about O-Town. The answer to that rhetorical question is A LOT OF MUCH.

[Chelly D]

In mentioning O-Town you conjured up images for me of one Ashley Parker Angel. For some reason, I felt compelled to watch the post O-Town "reality" show he did for MTV. I am still wondering why I watched that show!

[Steph F.]

I vaguely remember O-Town, and this makes me anxious for reasons unknown. Perhaps it makes me feel old. Still unsure.