Stockings and Stuffers: Santa, or mom, or your neighbor, or if your name is Laura then Mr. Edwards, with his pants-turban smuggling root vegetables and tin cups across the creek, fills stockings and sometimes wooden shoes the world round. Maybe you're in charge of that this year. If so, here are my suggestions for what to put inside, and some of the greatest stockings I've come across on ETSY yet. Get ready to plunge in.
Also, I plan to roll one of these out every few days, hopefully, for the first two weeks of November -- Early, but so many vendors are swamped with holiday orders that they have deadlines (in November), plus (I think, at least) this stuff is too cute to go unsold for long. If any item is sold when you click-through, check through the shop. So many vendors list or are willing to re-list duplicates, similar items or even take custom orders. And I have some stuff in mind for other Holidays, beyond the Fat Man one, so sit tight.
Paper. Soap. Mini blank books. Cardamom marshmallows. Buttons. Personalized calling cards. A ring that takes up half my hand. What more, honey? What more could I want, in my stocking? I'll tell you: Human limbs. Maybe a churro.
There are times, I feel like, where you can tell how much someone loves you by what they think you might like for more than twenty-four hours. I'm pretty sure that he'll like that brass Cadaver tag until he is one. The dulce-de-leche espresso brownies, mathlete coasters, subway token cufflinks and a wallet that encourages him to avoid the bad habits of Don Draper? He'll like those too.
Remember how it felt to be SO OVER holidays? I was twelve the year I was BEYOND Christmas, and I remember feeling so pained. Give her stuff she'll really have to work hard to disdain, like a swingin' necklace, some Vegan liptint, bath bombs that smell like ennui, a nameplate necklace (if she hasn't shunned her given name), and some clips, which you may suggest as a way to keep her various papers tidy, but she'll probably wear in her hair, just to show you. Just to make her follicles suffer as much as she does, under your horrible, smothering FALSE LOVE.
Every year there is one category, one recipient that I feel wins. This year, Little B takes it all. Buttons with ants and spiders on them. A stuffed jackalope. A robot paper doll. A peaked hat. A wallet with a TOWN on it, that features a Gas and Snack station. Right. I'm twenty-six years old, female, and I hope all of this is in my stocking.
Sweet and dark, and a little punchy. Adjectives that describe the girl who will be lucky enough to receive a killer knit hat, with both flowers and earflaps? I think so. A whale of a necklace, a killer notepad, saucy kitten mary-janes, paper that is ripe for airplanes, secret notes, on and on and on. A little red riding hood that holds as many secrets as she does, and a tiny skunk, because what little girl doesn't love a tiny anything?