Updates. Or -- Is it like that?

So I've been culling my wardrobe, which is exciting. There are a lot of emotions experienced, realizations, the major one being that Old Navy shirts with holes and grease stains are not doing anything for you, and more importantly, they're not doing anything for anyone else, either. I've got a lot of stuff I like, but the Old Navy shirt situation is out of control. I was not aware that I stole vegetable oil, drums of it, from behind restaurants at night, but I guess I do, and I guess I wear strictly Old Navy deep V-necks, tissue weight, perfect fit, while doing so. 

In a perfect world, I would look like Rihanna. All the time. Every day. Just asymmetrical follicles and skinny jeans, some flats, a tank. Tasteful, casual. But this world is not perfect, and in that outfit I would look okay, just not how I wished I would look in that outfit. And no outfit is good unless you look exactly like you want to look in it.

So that is my look, the one I aim for and have no expectations of fulfilling. I have a sister who can wear shit with wolves on it and look impeccable, purple tights and grey suede boots. You know? She doesn't really wear makeup, because she's Kim K. pretty. We are not the same girl. I call her current hairstyle of choice the Rue McClanahan. She could braid tampon applicators, feathers and owl pellets into her hair, cut into a one-sided mullet and crimped, and go hit up a concert and she'd end up on a party website, and the object of forty-seven Craigslist missed connections. Larvae could crawl around on her shoulder, and people would be like "That brooch is most legit."

So I am not her, and while I admire her old-lady sunglasses and wolf shirts, I don't want to wear them. I am also not a tall wisp who looks good with extra volume -- this is something that I was really sad about when circle skirts were in, those huge taffeta billows. I am short, super short. I'm having some hard times, right now, figuring out where I want to go on the fashion front. There's a good chance that I own way too many sequins.

Add to that the fact that my body has changed without my knowledge and I am losing enough weight to inspire uncomfortable comments from people ("Whoa. Whoa. How tiny are YOU?"), though I gained a good couple of pounds of it back because if forearm-long burritos stuffed with cheese, enchilada sauce, french fries and carne asada are mentioned at 3:00 am, at 3:30 am I will be eating one. With extra green salsa. And some of those pickled carrots that are randomly left out all day and have probably been touched by thirty-three Stranger Hands. A dude with a headband just walked in and ordered seven breakfast burritos. Isn't he a sad man, that many burritos, this late. Are you going to finish your burrito. Are you going to finish your burrito. What? I am AM calm. By the way, while you were in the bathroom I ate all the french fries and steak bits that had fallen from your burrito, then scraped the cheese bits off of the paper wrapping with my teeth.

So that is big, right now, the deciding to maybe make this official, make my weight loss an honest woman and work towards continuing it. Except I'm not sure how it happened in the first place, because I have not been eating well -- the burritos are only the first in a line of shameful food choices. And now I am considering cracking another off my list of food goals, and going vegan/gluten/sugar/caffeine-free for a month -- if I start in July, July first, I'll end it on the night of my 26th birthday, then spend the next day probably puking and shitting because the animal proteins, alcohol and wheat are back in town and they're rowdy. My body won't get the security/damage deposit back. And I'll still have all of August to enjoy iced coffee in the sunshine. Also -- Oprah did it.

In the personal life front, things have been just as crazy, just as confusing, just as sad and euphoric. ABBA's "Name of the Game" still describes way too much of my life, but I can't stop thinking about this dude and it is making me into a lady who is not okay. I feel like this is so intense because he has whatever sort of genetic pheromone molecular business my body craves, and that means that I get really, really feral around him? Some of the entries I wrote and did not publish because I care enough about you to spare you, I detailed the rowdy rowdy matter that just keeps me confounded, day and night. But the other night at our friend's house he was smiling so hard, I love his smile, and I kept liking how his face scuffed up against mine, like his cheek was studded with toothbrush bristles, and his arms wrapping around me so tight and staring at him as he let his teeth close gently around the tip of my right pinky, calm as could be. It was a good night, and the good nights make me forget the disappointing ones, or the confusing ones.

Yeah, it's like that.

Back soon with actual content, but before I go, thank you so much for all of the incredible skincare advice. I could not believe the response, or the helpful, informative offerings. I had no idea that many people read this site. But thank you, for the advice, and for reading.

Comments

[Beth]

Happy early birthday and I'm glad this year has been so fantastic for you!

[L.]

Thanks dudes! You're all lovely. Mary Beth, thank you for the tip -- I do that all the time, and while it totally works, some are just so far gone it is laughable.

SP, I will take my pounds to the dump. They shouldn't be so rude, knocking on your door like that.

Bec, I appreciate the congrats and questioning -- I too, wonder, since my daily diet includes Crisco and granulated sugar for breakfast, bacon fat and FunYun smoothies for snack, and a balanced dinner of Popeye's fried chicken (skin only!) and TGIFriday's Potato Skin potato chips. I have been looking for a reason to go crazy, so I may just do the vegan/gluten/no-sugar/no-alcohol thing so all my crazy can air out before I pack it away for fall.

Beth, you're lovely.

Tracy, let's eat the potato bits and cheese together, okay? Fellow Leo, we're both gonna be hot birthday girls.

Steph, it makes my heart droop. It really does. And I have no idea how I manage to do it.

[mary beth]

Dawn dishwashing liquid is your friend. Put some on those greasy spots before you launder (even the ones that have already been through the washer and dryer) and you should see at least a 50% success rate of shirt recovery.

[sassypriscilla]

Hey, I think your extra weight knocked on my door and refused to turn back. Congratulations on losing weight and thinking about a new wardrobe. All my shirts have oils stains in the same spot on them, too. *sigh*

[Bec]

Congrats on the weight loss! I'm not really sure how you achieved it, considering the fact that I'm fairly sure one of your recipes has the phrase "this is why grandma has a prosthetic face" in the title.

I'm gonna be real with you tho. If you go vegan/gluten/sugar/caffeine-free all in the same week you WILL die. i'm not joking. you will have homeless man wandering on the streets thinking he hears jesus through a wire hanger on his head crazy-windrawl. i tried, and i ended up killing a man in reno. just to watch him die.

just saying. :)

[Beth]

Nice to hear how you've been! I know what you mean about your sister - someone who can look good wearing whatever they want. Life is so not fair.

And hey congratulations on losing weight!

Also that dude sounds pretty awesome :)

[tracy]

I too am that girl who eats your steak bits & fries while you are in the bathroom. Don't tell anyone ;) When you come back you think I've just been fucking around on my cellphone...hee hee

Has Oprah talked about her veganism on her show yet? I can't wait to see that episode.

Congrats on the weight loss! I'm so jealous! You are gonna be one hot birthday girl this year.

hearts.

[Steph]

Why does it always seem as though only perfectly fitting clothes get ruined? It's a depressing phenomenon.

Breakfast burritos are the most amazing creation ever. Boy face stubble is pretty great, too.