"The Haaah-tub" or Creme Brulee

"I got to second base with dessert, bro."

I've always had an issue with various lists of "Sexy Food". Oysters and caviar on ice, champagne, whipped cream and strawberries, creme brulee. Spiced lamb shanks.

For one, they're not, to me. There have been too many pre-highschool dance party memories where parents serve strawberries and whipped cream, too many bottles of warm Andre at parties, too many Hotel banquet desserts featuring creme brulee and too many hot tubs, with Jimmy Fallon, Rachel Dratch and Will Ferrell to truly find carnal pleasure in any of those foods.

Now, with the rise of sensory food writing, so many foods beyond the contents of Elizabeth Taylor's Mini-Fridge are 'sexy' or sensual. I get it, I understand it, I've had meals and eaten things that I've quietly thought "Nice" about, but I don't think I could handle comparing something I've just digested to sex in lengthy terms. "This mollusk reminds me of the time your Uncle and I had a rendezvous down at the docks, among shellfish and kelp. I still have scars on my back from the barnacles. How's college going?"

Because food and sex are both primal, both a little taboo when talked about too much in front of people you don't know well, we all have our own private rituals associated with both, I understand the natural link. But it still makes me a little wary, a little uncomfortable when people go too 'big' with their descriptions. However.

I made creme brulee last night, for no real reason other than I wanted to know what it would taste like if fresh nutmeg showed up in the custard. Drunk and shameful, wearing someone else's pants. And this afternoon, when I broiled the sugar and photographed it, I saw what the producers of eighties sitcoms saw. When I tasted it, I understood. You crack it, and then you kind of slide in and it's gorgeous, just all slippery cream, dark from the nutmeg, with a faint tobacco smoke in the background from the caramelized sugar. It tastes like 'On Call' by Kings of Leon sounds.

To me, anyway. It may taste like 'Strokin' by Clarence Carter to you.

Vanilla Bean and Nutmeg Creme Brulee
Adapted from Nielsen Massey

1 1/2 cups Heavy Whipping Cream
1/2 cup milk
4 egg yolks
1/4 + 1 Tablespoon granulated sugar
1 vanilla bean, split and scraped
1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg

Demera, turbinado or granulated white sugar

Put a kettle on to boil, and line the bottom of a round, 9-inch cake pan or 8x8 square pan (depending on how many vessels you'll be using -- I used four custard cups, and it worked out perfectly. Adjust up or down depending on the size of your custard cups or ramekins) with a kitchen towel. Place the dishes you've decided on on top of the towel, and set aside.

Preheat your oven to 300 degrees F. In a small bowl, whisk together the egg yolks and vanilla extract until pale yellow and liquid. In a medium saucepan, heat the cream, milk, sugar, vanilla bean pod and scraped seeds together for around 5 minutes, until heated through, steamy and sugar has dissolved. Add the nutmeg, and remove from heat.

Pour a 1/4 cup of the cream mixture into the eggs, whisking well to 'temper' the yolks and bring them up to a similar temperature. Once warmed, pour the egg yolks into the cream mixture and whisk well. Strain into a pitcher or Pyrex measuring cup (at least a 2-cup measure), and pour into ramekins, dividing equally. Place ramekins/pan on oven rack, and then carefully fill, around the edges, with hot water from the kettle until it reaches the halfway point.

Bake for 20-30 minutes, or until custards are set but jiggle nicely when shaken gently. Remove, cool until tepid and then cover tightly with plastic wrap and transfer to the fridge. Chill for at least eight hours, or overnight, and when ready to serve sprinkle with an even layer of your desired sugar -- demera, brown or granulated white and either broil for 2-3 minutes (watching closely) or caramelize with a torch until golden brown and crackly. Remove, and serve immediately* with fresh fruit, whipped cream, Vaseline.

*If your broiler takes a particularly long time to caramelize the tops, like mine did, shove the pots back in the fridge (once cool enough to handle) and let them firm back up. The sugar topping shouldn't suffer too much.)

Comments

[L.]

Thanks guys! And seriously. Try it! So simple.

Cla'nce Cahtah Cla'nce Cahtah Cla'nce Cahtah oooooooooh shit Cla'nce Cahtah INDEED.

[Miss Sassy]

Wow. Heath bars are sexy to me. I can't imagine what this would be. Never tried Creme Brulee but it sounds fabulous!

[brilynn]

I've been seeing a lot of creme brulees lately and it has me itching to use my kitchen torch again...

[Wende]

Oh, see, that just didn't help. I don't like Creme Brulee to begin with, but now I'm going to be blushing every time it's suggested.

Why no! I do not want to creme brulee you. :D

[alicia]

Ha. Clarence Carter. That song makes me blush.

[Patricia Scarpin]

It certainly looks decadent and sinful. :)

[Lisa]

Cla'nce Cahtah Cla'nce Cahtah Cla'nce Cahtah oooooooooh shit Cla'nce Cahtah those look delicious. I always stay away from creme brulee because I don't have a blowtorch, but maybe I need to rethink that. Christmas night, after the duck? I can do drunk and shameful, no problem.

[Beth]

Mmm, creme brulee is one of those cliche desserts I will always love. It's a great combination with the crackly top and soft insides.