This holiday, there were knife fights in the foyer over who got to hold The Baby the longest, who The Baby liked the most, and smugness choked us all when she began to cry in somebody's arms. "Oh, What? You're obviously pinching her."
"She thinks you smell like menthol cigarettes."
"Maybe you shouldn't bite her or something, maybe then she'll let herself relax in your arms. You're giving The Baby the gift of fear this year, right?"
"I think you just spit in her eyes."
One of the craziest photos of myself in existence is my first Christmas -- the first baby, the first girl, the first Grandchild for both families, I am lying comatose in a navy blue dress with white polka dots, sailor color and huge red ties. My legs are motionless in red tights, and I am surrounded by a layer of presents that looks not unlike Tsunami wreckage. There was a live dolphin and metal sheeting involved.
I expect that as the first baby in 17 years for our family, the scenario will be repeated. If you have a baby in your life, whether you own it, stole it or just borrow it on Sunday Afternoons like I plan to, treat it to a very special Christmas with some of the delightful gifts above. The peaked red cap, chocolate bunny and Kimono-tie top and bottom set are catching my eye.
And stop pinching the baby.