Now we're moving into specific categories. I feel like I should apologize for the lame eagerness I've been displaying, like "HEY, GUYS! I just got a see-through phone." And you don't care. I don't even care about see-through phones, anymore. But thanks for humoring me, and I promise this will all be done with before the week is out.
The Boss you Like
Sometimes you meet someone that you click with, and yet that person has total power over you -- financially, disciplinary or otherwise, but it doesn't matter, because you're pretty sure you feel like she is the Oprah to your thirty-four year old Iowa mom who carpooled all the way to Chicago with her best friends, and no, you didn't know it was her 'Favorite Things' show. Shower this mentor with gratitude. And nifty things.
The Boss you Fear
Personalized stationary with pigs on it! A candle to light the animal sacrifices performed in her office. A card that adequately mimics the movements of her minions as she wafts past them. And a plate that explains it all.
Your Fake "Never Ever because I'm not gross" Teenage Boyfriend*
Maybe he's a lifelong friend of your little sisters, or one of those brand-new interns at work, 19 if he's a day. Maybe a distant family friend, or your neighbors' son -- you've known him since he was a toddler and you were six, or at least since he started making you mixed CDs during his break and hitting you up for bus fare. Once his mom picked him up and he made sure to introduce you. You feel equal parts amusement, maternal instinct and Zac-Efron levels of inappropriate hysteria when you see him. Your fake Teenage Boyfriend. "If we were the same age. Or my name was Mary Kay...".
The little Olsen Twin you used to babysit for, but now her eye makeup scares you
You had no idea the 'Bleeding Tear Duct' look was in, but it is. Because you refuse to further her addiction to red greasepaint, buy her a 'Girls Just Want To Have Fun or Listen to MCR' crinoline that smells authentically of distrust and sadness. A Little Red Riding Hood print will be used to point out shared themes between the story and 10th grade. A felt tote for her journals, and a tragically button-cute, all-in-black girl falling through the fog will earn double hole punches during the Goth-Day Fun Run.
*No one is advocating gross behavior here. You want to give him nougies, not older lady love.