One Two Three Four, Tell Me That You Love Me More: Big Love

The other day I realized that I've filled the 'Big Love' void with a show I admit to no one that I watch sometimes: E!'s "Girls Next Door". I don't know when I became so down with three "wives" scenarios, but I think it was the next logical television trend, after Webster v. Diff'rent Strokes.

With The Henricksons returning in a matter of days, I can return to what is without a doubt, my favorite show on television. Last April, my family's home was damaged in a pretty intense fire, and while we were living in a rental house as ours was being rebuilt we succumbed to Digital Cable, which most notably included the On-Demand option, where you can visually restrain yourself from moving for hours on-end, with the aide of all 15 episodes of 'Big Love'. There was a day last summer, when I was off from work, I had no classes or plans and that day I sat in the dark, watching five back-to-back hours of this show. I don't know if you've done that before, or if you'll admit to it. I count it as one of my best moments.

Because I have lived with no or simply basic cable for most of my life, I have never cultivated a devoted passion for anything on The 'BO. The 2nd season of Grey's Anatomy came close, and I try never to miss Nigella or Ina, and I love the hell out of televised gymnastics and A&E's 'INTERVENTION' but I was never willing to make out with my best friend so 'Six Feet Under' would let me on the bus or eat raw bacon for a radio-station sponsored 'The Sopranos' Backstage Pass contest. But because of smoke damage, I showed my boobs to a guitar tech, all for 'Big Love'.

If you haven't watched the show, and if you've made a stand to never watch the show, I don't know how to explain to you why it is so good beyond saying that it is more than it's tag line, the reason it was put on the air. It boils down to great writing, acting, all the things that make any show good.

One of my favorite parts of the show is how many interwoven emotions and themes there are. Dysfunction and loyalty, regression, disregard, fear, righteousness and hypocrisy. There is no right without the left, or wrong, and to see such themes played out against the lovely yellow and peach light that sweeps over every scene, the soft, calming colors of the landscape and clothing, all balanced with the darting eyes and hesitant truths that show up later in the first season -- the show allows for a veering track, a reason to hold your breath when a woman flings herself out into the night wearing a white nightgown and streaming hair, alone and seething with the need to protect what she loves and obeys, having only episodes earlier (and later) betrayed and manipulated them.

I could never be a part of a polygamous household -- it is not the duties and co-families that I object to, because I think that is a healthier "village" environment than many out there today. But the love aspect of it, the need I feel at least, to know that there is one for me, and that's he, and one for him, and that's me. I'm old school, in that if I walked up the stairs and found someone riding my dude's pelvic bone like she had just shoved a quarter up his nose and demanded no one go inside the grocery store until she had the chance to ride twice, I would probably find my inner girl gang member, tape razorblades to my fingertips and see what happened. I don't want to second-guess my partner's interest in me, how much he has left for me, time, love, money (in Nikki's case) and then constantly watch how he treats the other two women in our marriage. Because though there is big talk about tempering those feelings, about trusting that things will come out equally through the principal and sticker charts and envelopes with weekly household allowances, they don't. They can't. Even 'Big Love' Polygamy is not for me.

And of course, that is the sanitized version. When you get into the deeper, "Traditional" polygamous roles and customs that are still illustrated on 'Big Love' but nowhere near as photogenic, such as the Juniper Creek lifestyle, scare me. The women involved scare me, not Nikki and Bill's mothers, or even the ultimate, spineless shitman Alby Grant, but the peripheral women mentioned, the ones who guard their positions with reverence, who are haughty because of fear and meek because of it too. This is too long, already, but that touches only the tip.

But the show is smart and wary, of casting supreme judgement on the lifestyles or character traits portrayed on the show, and I can't either. There has never been a point, to me, where Roman Grant -- while cowardly, was not completely vulnerable. I like to think that sometimes Roman weeps, for no reason other than he knows how vulnerable he really is without his title and crazy son. Rhonda, on the other hand, has never struck me as someone needing a hand out, literally, and I can't WAIT to see how she attempts to pull herself out of a life she is bored with and into one she wants, and who she pushes under in the process.

And then there's Nikki.

I can't wait. June 11th.

Comments

[Sug]

Big Love has been added to my netflix queue. Thanks for the rec and I love your blog!

[Anuhea]

That looks like an interesting show! I was stuck on lost the last TV season and hadn't even heard of the "Big Love", but it must be worthy because you posted not about your incredible baking, but about the show! Looking forward to the next goodies...:)

[Miss Sassy]

Big Love rules. I can't wait, either. Summer programming is pretty fun. I can't wait for Curb Your Enthusiasm (early Fall, I think on HBO) and Dexter (Showtime). Thanks for your thoughts on the show. Nikki is fascinating and rules!

[Wende]

Oh, and love the Feist-y title. :D

[Wende]

I do not have HBO. And it's never bothered me until NOW... I caught last season of Big Love on Netflix. Now, I'll have to wait. S i g h

[pdxMeg]

I adore Big Love. I watched it all in one weekend after getting season one from the library. Alas, I don't have HBO...I will be counting down until this second season is released on DVD.
P.S. I found your blog through Not Martha and I just love reading it.

[jeffer01]

OMG...I have never seen this show, but now I MUST go find it!!! We have an antenna, no cable, no satellite, but I must find this show. I am going to blockbuster today and see if I can find it....you have painted a delightful portrait of what I must see...thanks!