Feelings. And Roast Chicken.

Sometimes you need someone to cook for you.

I am twenty-four years old, but lately I have been feeling fourteen emotionally. Tonight it all came spilling out, halting voice and fast blinking to avoid crying. I did cry though, and I didn't see it coming. I haven't cried in a long time. I haven't needed to, but I believe, like so many other people, that crying is restorative and it happens when you need to purge those feelings that have been around too long, leeching energy and keeping you from feeling content.

My mom made roast chicken, snugged in by yukon golds, chunked onion and sweet carrots showered with sea salt -- it makes the best sound as it falls. She listened to me talk, my palms open and elbows bent as she rubbed the chicken with garlic, cracked pepper and salt. While she basted, I wept, and then we both sat, talking and sighing and explaining and I tried not to forget what I wanted to say. And when I was done, so was the chicken.

We ate with the windows open, and the cool evening filtering in, silverware clinking against plates (one of my favorite sounds). I ate until I was full, then pinched more of the buttery, sweet potatoes from where they hid among the carcass, fighting my sister for a shred of skin, because I could, because things were good again, all was upright.

I could not stop sighing all night. I felt content, and full, loved and so done. I sat on the front steps, next to a thicket of buttercups that showed up last week and ate some ice cream in the dark, and the thick, eggy-sweetness was like sucking my thumb. It plugged me up.

It was one of the most restorative meals I've ever had, and I cannot begin to describe how grateful I am.

Comments

[rachael]

This almost made me cry. At work. What? I kind of love this blog a lot.

[L.]

Oh thanks dudes. Seriously. Peggasus, your comment made me tear up a little, then laugh. I love that there was a (ham)Bone Battle.

I hope you all had your chicken, and I hope your weekends were fabulous as well.

[Beth]

What a beautiful entry.

[Peggasus]

Awww, sweetie... I'm happy that made you feel better. I can only hope my boys feel like that about my cooking too. Most of the good talks we have ever had happen(ed) in the kitchen as well. My 15-year old hardly shuts up, actually, but that's a good thing at his age. It really is the heart of the home; everyone feels comfortable there.

We (my three brothers and I) sometimes almost come to blows over a piece of crispy skin, especially at Thanksgiving. My mother and I (only somewhat jokingly) contested the hambone from an Easter dinner not long ago. My oldest brother (his name should be Solomon) actually took it down to his workshop and cut the damn thing in half. HA! We still laugh about that!

Now you have given me the idea to do a Dutch oven roasted chicken over the weekend, over the coals, outside, with potatoes, carrots and onions. Have a great weekend, you!

[Elena Singh]

Love your blog! Great writing and beautiful pictures!
Kind of funny, but I am also feeling down today, the end of the workweek is near and I am just tired and empty. Well, today, I am planning on doing a roasted chicken with rosemary and garlic and some good mashed potatoes...For some reason such meal is also very comforting to me and makes me think of all things good.