Chumptown, or "Precious Confections" (US Title)

"Precious. Just precious. Take her picture with your camera phone, honey."

I am a short individual, by birth and having nothing to do with family traits as everyone around me is a giant, and having navigated 24 years a few inches under five feet even (I know) I have had so many assumptions made about my height and assumed affinity for equally short (but certainly not dainty) things.

"You must love hamsters."

"You probably identify with street urchins, a lot. Except you don't have rickets."

"I bet you have dance-offs with Toddlers."

"You are as tall as R2D2, but you have the voice of Hans Solo."

The only one ever proven right was my dream to steal ornamental Christmas light-up figurines, the snowmen and santas, from front yards during the holidays so I could have my kind near me at all times, so I could feel less alone. Just like the NBA, it never happened.

Motherfuckers.

But I do like other short things, and the above is one of them. A bit ago, Deb over at SmittenKitchen posted her version of lilliputian icebox cakes. I tried them, and they were wonderful just as is.

But how can you really shame and yet enhance a small thing? Put something pink on top of her head.

Try it with an old person who has lost three or four inches of height due to not listening to Sally Field on that commercial about the monthly pill. You'll see the fire return, as the cane meets your face.

Icebox Cakes
As seen on SmittenKitchen

One box Nabisco chocolate wafers
1 1/2 cups cold, heavy (or double) whipping cream
2-3 tablespoons vanilla sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 bar semi-sweet chocolate
Cadbury Mini Eggs (optional)

Freeze a very clean, dry glass or metal bowl of a suitable size and the beater(s) or whisk you plan to use, for at least fifteen minutes.

Once chilled and frosted to the touch, pour cold whipping cream, sugar and vanilla extract into the bowl. Whip until almost-stiff peaks form, but cream should still be silky and spreadable. Like Simon Cowell's faint praise.

Arrange four (you'll most likely be able to make more, but this is a good number to start with) chocolate wafers on a serving plate or platter, or inside slightly flattened decorative paper liners/cups. Dollop whipped cream (the equiv. of 2-3 tablespoons, as Deb said you'll want to use more than you think you need because it will soak in to the wafers) on top of each wafer, top with another and continue until you've built up 4 or 5 layers. You should end with whipped cream -- I had four wafer layers in each of my cakes.

Repeat until all wafers are used up -- you can make cakes of varying sizes, that might be really cute. I thought about reducing the height of mine after eating it, I think three wafers is the perfect amount.

Warm the short edge of your chocolate bar with the palm of your hand, gripping fingers around the edge for a few seconds, then run a vegetable (I use a Y-shaped one) peeler or knife down the side, creating curls. Scatter over (or just hold the chocolate over the cakes as you shave) the top of each cake, and if desired, if you're into that sort of thing, place three Cadbury Mini Eggs gently on top, as though a bird flew through your window and let each one drop out of her chute, on top of your dessert tray. Making Grandma faint.

While these are delicious as is, leave them in the fridge for at least three hours for the magic to really take place. Right next to the baby.

Comments

[luster]

okay, so your blog is absolutely hilarious & fabulous- I love it! And the video with the llama at the dentist,eeks! That is a very vivid childhood t.v. memory I have of watching that exact clip- what an amazing thing to find it on your blog- it's fun to read, and great recipes!

[L.]

I want to collect all five of you and form you into a superstar Girl Group, who sing songs about self-esteem and wear coordinated outfits from Old Navy, circa '98 (Tech Vests). You are that superb, all of you. Thank you for the kind words.

[LLD]

YUM! Looks delicious - as always!

[Anuhea]

You are hilarious! Love your recipes and the daily dose of giggles your posts give me. :)

[s]

gaw! not possible. you're getting funnier by the baked good. making the salty bastards this weekend. thanks for the laughs...

[cheryl]

you are the caption queen! and your pictures are heavenly.

[Mary Beth]

Hah! While my monitor didn't appreciate the coffee shower it received while I was reading your post, I certainly enjoyed it. I'll try to resist putting something pink atop grandma's head this Easter...